If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
