How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
