is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he puts the penis in happiness.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
