why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
