Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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