Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
