oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
