the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
