I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
