Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
