I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
