now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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