I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
