he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
