Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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