Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is Oprah even human
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
