Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
