I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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