You made me cry and you don't even care
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
