So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
