On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You took a bar mat shot.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
