I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
