Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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