Umm I'm too high to move.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Congratulations! We have a period
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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