happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
