mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
