My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
PANTIES FOUND
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
