this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
