he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
