Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
