Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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