Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My ATM looks so different sober.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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