remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You made out with two different species that night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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