peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
