You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
