I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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