you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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