the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
