dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
