He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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