just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
