I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dick very happy bro
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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