He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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