epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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