just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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