yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
