so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
