i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
