we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
