Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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