i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
