Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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